Training Tuesday - The End

I don't even know where to begin. I have been struggling with my marathon training for about a month or so now and have let myself fall behind. Not just a few miles behind, like nearly 10! I have hit a point with training that I need to decide to either commit and accept that I won't get all my miles in or walk away (also known as quitting).

This weekend was pivotal for me. If I got my miles in, then I think I could have stuck with it. But alas, I didn't. I have used every excuse under the sun to talk myself out of these runs so I got to thinking, "Is this something I actually WANT to do?" Yes I know, we've all been through these moments when it comes to running and I've read so many success stories of people just pushing through. I feel that this is deeper than that. I'm not nervous excited about the race, I'm dreading it. Is that how it's supposed to be?

I hate the idea of quitting and throwing away my registration fee, but there isn't an ounce of desire left. Here are some of reasons excuses as to why I'm walking away from my marathon aspirations:

• It's winter which means its cold. I do NOT want to get up at 6am to run in 30 degree weather. That is torture to me.
• The thought of spending 3 + hours running on the weekends when they are getting so jam packed with the holidays is an incredible time commitment I guess I'm not ready for
• I prefer running after work and with my hour plus commute home, it's dark by the time I get home.
• No one is running the race with me in Disney nor do I know anyone training for a marathon who would do long runs with me. Which makes a long run alone an even more daunting task

Again, I know these are nothing but excuses and I have no REAL valid reason, but to me it comes down to happiness. I'm a firm believer in doing things that make you happy. In the beginning, running was hard but it made me happy. I loved the way I felt after a run even a 7 mile run. But these long distances are strictly painful. I'm not getting the joy out of it that I used to. They are mentally and physically hard.

I think I have decided that I need to train for a marathon that maybe takes place in the fall so I'm not stuck training in the winter. I am not giving up this dream of someday running a marathon. I just don't think this year was my year.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, but I wanted to be honest and do my best in justifying my decision. I'm still a little disappointed in myself and this decision, but all in all I think it's the right one for me. I will continue to run on my treadmill short distances to stay in shape, but as for long distances, I'm taking a break.

I can't thank everyone enough for their support in my training up till now and I hope to have your support in the future when I can put my whole heart into a marathon.